Innocence Faded
by Agrona Meabh
Summary: To be redone if I ever get around to it.
1. Chapter 1: Innocence Faded

**Title**: Innocence Faded  
**Author**: Dying Dreams  
**Fandom**: Fruits Basket  
**Rating**: M  
**Warnings**: Profanity, drugs and alcohol  
**Characters**: Tohru, OC, Kyo, Yuki, Shigure  
**Feedback**: Feedback is always welcome!  
**Summary**: Three years ago during her final year of high school... Tohru was taken away from the Sohma's. On Akito's orders, her memories were suppressed. The empty holes in her life, she couldn't fill. Something was missing, but what? Shortly after graduation, Honda Tohru vanished. To put it simply, she left Japan and moved to the U.S. Three years later, she returned to Japan. Something was different though. She was doing things to her body she should never have done. Her personality was drastically different from what it once was. She was no longer the Tohru they had known and loved. They wanted that Tohru back, and with the curse broken, perhaps they had a chance before it was too late to do anything for her.

**Author's Notes**: Well, this will be my first Fruits Basket fic I've put on here. n-n More or less... all of them are going to be out of character. xD It's how it has to be for the story to work. So get over it. n-n; Don't get mad at me. Deal with it. What else... oh. I don't know a lot about drug use and its affects on the body and shit like that, so if it's all... weird and shit, oh well. You'll get over it. I'm doing the best I can with my limited knowledge of such things. Same with the alcohol. If you have any suggestions for what I can do, then tell me. Constructive criticism is loved, flamers will be shot. Stupidity isn't considered feedback.

Eh-heh. The chapter had to be revised so I could work with it. I couldn't figure out what to do for the next chapter. It sort of went away from where the original version was going, but I like this better. So enjoy.

Also, please remember that most times they will not stay in character. As the author of this story I get to do whatever the fuck I want. Commenting on that won't get you any sort of acknowledgement because I won't change it to make you happy. I don't do things that way.

I made a few probably unnoticeable changes to this chapter. A few word changes here and there, nothing to be to concerned about really. But I think the next chapter will be quite a bit longer than this one was, especially with the new addition to Tohru's already fucked up life.

**Disclaimer**: I do not own the characters of Fruits Basket. However, I do own all of my own original characters. I am in no way profiting from this.

**Innocence Faded  
Chapter 1  
**- - - - - - - - -

"Tohru!" she yelled, tucking strands of golden hair behind her ears. "Where the fuck are we going?" she growled as she ran to catch up with her friend.

"I already fucking told you. We're going to see Hikara. She has something she wants to give us," she replied, not looking back.

"Oh? And what would that be?"

"Fuck if I know. She said it was some sort of new drug her guys had come up with and she wants us to try it."

"Yeah? Shit if it's from her it'll have to be good."

"Of course. She always gave us the best when she was still in New York."

"Yeah," the young woman said as she slowed down, catching up to Tohru. "Why'd she come back to Japan anyways?"  
"No idea. She didn't tell me anything. Just packed up and left without a single word. Maybe you can beat it out of her when we see her."

"Yeah right. She'd beat my ass into next week," she said laughing.

"You have a point there. I'm still hurting from last time."

"Serves you right. You were trying to skip out on paying her."

"You wouldn't lend me any money!"

"It's not my fault you were broke. At least I know how to save my money."

The girl hissed at her like a cat and fold her arms across her chest, sticking her nose up in the air and turning away. "Well I'm sorry I don't have such a nice paying job like you do."

"It's not my fault you're a lazy ass bitch."

"Oh that hurts Tohru, it really does."

Tohru only laughed at her words. "You know damn well it's true. Last time I worked with you _I _got in trouble because you were slacking off."

"I had a bad hangover from the night before!"

"So? A fucking hangover never stopped me from doing my job."

"Well I'm not little Miss Perfect like you! So kiss my ass."

"Perfect? Fuck you Alex. I've never been perfect."

"Oh please. When I first met you, you were nothing but perfect. You cooked. You cleaned. You fucking did everything."

"That's because I knew how to do those things. Unlike someone I won't mention."

"You know what. Just fucking forget it. I'm sorry."

"You're forgiven."

Alex smiled at Tohru and gave her a short hug as they walked. "I really am sorry. I know you had it hard after losing your mom. I mean I lost mine too, but at least you knew your mom."

"Yeah. Mom was everything to me. I don't really remember my dad, so she was all I really had ya know? But I'm over it now. I have all those good memories of her so whatever. It's in the past now."

"Yeah," Alex said, pushing her hair behind her ears again. "So when are you gonna cut your hair again?"

"When we get back. I'm thinking about dyeing it too."

"Oh yeah? What color?"

"Dark brown, maybe. I'm not really sure yet."

"I see. I see," Alex said. "How much farther is it?"

"Hmm. Should be just up ahead I think."

"Kay," Alex said as she yawned widely, causing her jaw to pop.

"Tired?" Tohru laughed.

"Just a little," Alex replied. "I'll be fine though. Wouldn't want to make you carry me back to the hotel," she said, laughing slightly.

Tohru only grinned at her. "It's not like your _heavy _or anything like that."

"Oh ha ha ha. Very funny. For your information I weigh less than you do so shut the fuck up."

Tohru laughed at her. "Only by a few pounds anyways."

Alex looked at Tohru when she suddenly stopped walking. "What's wrong?"

"I don't know. It almost feels like I've been here before ya know? It some odd way this place feels really familiar, but I'm positive I've never been here."

"Really?" Alex said, looking around her. "Weird. Maybe you have and you just don't really remember."

"Maybe," she replied with a slight shrug of her shoulders. "Oh well. I guess it doesn't really matter. Anyways, Hikara's place is just up around the corner to the left."

"Oh good," Alex said with a sigh of relief. Her feet had begun to ache from all the walking. Why they couldn't take a taxi was beyond her, but she supposed it didn't really matter. They'd be able to rest at Hikara's anyways."

"Come one," Tohru said. "I'll race you the rest of the way," she said as she started running. "Last one there is a stupid bitch!"

"You're fucking crazy Tohru Honda! You here me? Fucking crazy!" Alex said as she started running to catch up to her. She was glad she had chosen to wear comfortable shoes instead of the normal heels. Her feet would've been dead a long time ago.

- - - - -

Silence. That's all there was at that moment. It was almost nostalgic, hearing that voice drifting to them on the wind. Especially on this day, the day Tohru had officially disappeared from their lives. For two years they had gathered together like this, thinking about her, that unique girl had suddenly come into their lives and had loved them all. They knew the voice they heard out there and yet at the same time they didn't. There was something different about it. Mainly in the way it spoke with the other. It wasn't the same as it had once been though. If anything it was the complete opposite. It seemed almost rude.

Brown eyes looked at the young people sitting across from him. The looks on their faces told him everything. They all wanted to go to her. They wanted to bring her back into their lives. She was important to them. To all of them. She been suddenly torn away from them, and at the time there had been nothing they could do to stop it. They didn't blame Hatori because they knew he had tried to stop Akito from forcing him to do it. He had been one of the few who the curse had remained with for a short while longer before it was gone from him as well. But it was before that time could come that he had been forced to suppress her memories.

Shigure Sohma continued look at them. It had been on this day three years ago that they had really last seen or heard from Honda Tohru as she once was. The following day Hatori had suppressed her memories, and they did what they could to avoid her. Only about a month had passed to the time when she would disappear from their lives entirely, leaving nothing but a memory.

But now. Now she was here. Free of Akito, maybe they'd try and do something. Maybe they would try and bring her back into their lives again. Shigure knew it was they all wanted. During the time she'd spent with them, she'd become so close. So loved. She had meant more to them than they had realized back then. But now they new. They should have tried harder to stop Hatori suppressing her memories. Had they done so, Shigure was sure they would have succeeded, but it was fear that held them back. Fear that prevented them from doing anything further.

Here was their chance. Shigure watched in amusement as their faces changed. He knew they were starting to think the things he'd already realized. That they would try and get their Tohru back. He was interested to see how all of it would turn out in the end. Would they succeed? Or would they fail miserably and ruin Tohru's life once and for all. He supposed that at this moment, perhaps it was all up to chance, and it was now considered a game. The objective, save Tohru from whatever it was that would happen if they did nothing; and if they failed to achieve that goal, they would lose her forever.

"Shigure," Yuki was the first to speak, looking up at the older man in front of him.

"What is it, Yuki?" he replied, looking back at him.

"I know what you're thinking," he replied.

"Why what ever are you talking about my dear Yuki?"

"This isn't a game," he said.

"I never said it was."

"You were thinking it though," he replied.

"Perhaps. But then does it really matter? You already know what you must do. I just want to sit back and watch. Because either you will all get her back, or you'll lose her forever. As much as I do care for her, I'd prefer to watch as the plot unfolds." Kyo snorted in response to Shigure's words and looked away from him. If there was one person who had been hurt most by those events, it was Kyo. Tohru had told him she loved him, and with unspoken words he had loved her too. It wasn't something he could deny. He had loved her more than any of them. He wanted the girl he had fell in love with back in his life. He wanted to be with her, and he could only hope that she would share that same feeling.

It was well after midnight when they heard her again. Most of them had risen to their feet, intending to return to their own homes. Tohru was singing a song in English as they passed. They couldn't really understand the words, but they caught some of them. They missed the first few lines of the song as she'd already started before her voice reached their ears again.

_Barely conscious, you'll say to no one  
Isn't something missing?_

_You won't cry for my absence, I know -  
You forgot me long ago.  
Am I that unimportant...?  
Am I so insignificant...?  
Isn't something missing?  
Isn't someone missing me?_

_Even though I'm the sacrifice,  
You won't try for me, not now.  
Though I'd die to know you love me,  
I'm all alone.  
Isn't someone missing me?_

Tohru had stopped walking but continued singing, her friend eventually joining in, though her  
voice was lower than Tohru's.

_Please, please forgive me,  
But I won't be home again.  
I know what you do to yourself,  
I breathe deep and cry out,  
Isn't something missing?  
Isn't someone missing me?_

_Even though I'm the sacrifice,  
You won't try for me, not now.  
Though I'd die to know you love me,  
I'm all alone.  
Isn't someone missing me?_

_And if I bleed, I'll bleed,  
Knowing you don't care.  
And if I sleep just to dream of you  
I'll wake without you there,  
Isn't something missing?  
Isn't something..._

_Even though I'm the sacrifice,  
You won't try for me, not now.  
Though I'd die to know you love me,  
I'm all alone.  
_

_Isn't something missing?  
Isn't someone missing me?_

Their voices faded on the last line and as soon as she was done, Tohru started laughing. Several moments passed before her laughter died away, only to be replaced by choking sobs. "Alex," she said softly.

"What is it, Tohru?" the other girl asked.

The group had slowly edge toward the front gate while Tohru had been singing. They remained  
in silence listening to them.

"I hate it."

"Hate what? I don't understand."

"Everything," Tohru said, struggling to hold back her tears.

"Everything? Tohru I don't understand you."

"Have you ever wondered what life would be like if you'd never fallen in love? Sometimes I think everything would be better if we never had to experience that stupidly simple emotion. Sometimes all it ever brings us is endless pain when our hearts are torn out of our bodies and crushed under someone's foot. There's a never ending pain when we think about it, and how that one person you thought would always love you and be there for you suddenly turns their back on you and betrays you. Your world suddenly comes crashing down all around you, destroying all of your hopes and dreams along with it. and all it leaves you with is an empty void that you can never hope to fill. And all you know for the longest time is that pain."

"I remember when we first met," Alex said, walking a little away from Tohru. "You poured your miserable little heart out to me. Telling me how there were all of these empty holes in your heart that you just didn't know how to fill. The never ending pain tearing away at your heart a little more each day. You felt as though you'd been betrayed by the one person you loved most when you needed him most and he wasn't there for you, but you didn't remember who he was, or what he looked like. All you knew was that he'd left you high and dry."

"I still feel that way. Even now," Tohru said, a sob escaping her. "All that pain tearing away at me. I get the feeling that one day I'll finally break down and everything will come to an end, and nothing anyone does or says will change it. Every night I have those dreams, and I see those people whose faces I can't see, and the names I don't know."

"This is what I told a good friend of mine once: No matter what you ever do or say, no matter what actions you take, in the end life always finds a way to screw you over. The pain sometimes will be unbearable and all we can do is scream for the pain to go away. Sometimes it will, and sometimes it won't, but sometimes that's also the price we must pay in order to find our own happiness.

"As humans we take things for granted all the time, and we never realize how great something is until we've lost it. The people who betray you won't ever understand the kind of pain you go through when they do the things they do. They'll never know that emptiness that consumes you. All they know is fear. Fear of something they think they don't understand. They think that if they just give everything will be ok, but that's now how it works.

"Tohru, I'll tell you now. I will never let your heart be broken again. I will not stand by when someone decides to tell you they love you. the pain you went through once, you will never go through again. You deserve someone worthy of you. Someone who won't turn on you and throw you to the wolves to save their own miserable hide. Always remember that where others failed, I'll always be your guardian angel, even if there are things even I can't stop you from doing."

They heard Tohru laugh softly before she spoke again, forcing them to strain their ears to hear her words. "Alexandria the Guardian Angel. It has a nice ring to it. I'll hold you to your word then, my angel. You're the only person alive that I can trust. All the people I knew and became friends with here in this town, they are no longer friends of mine. You remember those two I told you about? I realized when I left Japan, that even they had betrayed me."

TBC...


	2. Chapter 2: Innocence Faded

**Title**: Innocence Faded  
**Author**: Dying Dreams  
**Fandom**: Fruits Basket  
**Rating**: M  
**Warnings**: Drug use. Umm... random stalking? Oh. Self injury. Gotta love that.  
**Characters**:  
**Feedback**: Feedback is always welcome!  
**Summary**: Three years ago... Tohru was taken away from the Sohma's. On Akito's orders, her memories were suppressed. The empty holes in her life, she couldn't fill. Something was missing, but what? Shortly after graduation, Tohru Honda vanished. To put it simply, she left Japan and moved to the U.S. Three years later, she came back. But why was she so different now and why the hell was she doing this to herself? Can they... can they change her back? To the way she was before? Before it's too late to change her fate?  
**Author's Notes**: The following chapter... just don't ask if it seems weird. It just sort of... happened. My apologies for the long wait. My train of thought for this story derailed and exploded over there. -Points in a random direction- Er... ok so it's everywhere. Lemme alone. I've made a new addition to Tohru's already fucked up life to mess her up even more. I'm so mean to fictional characters. I really am and it's kind of sad.

And by the way, for those of you haven't finished the series, there might be some spoilers creeping up in future chapters. I love you all that much. xD  
**Disclaimer**: Don't own Furuba. You don't want me to. Any OC's are owned by me so hands off.

**Chapter 2**_  
_----------

I won't tell you life was ever meant to be fair, because then I'd be lying to you. There are things I should know, that I want to know, but I don't. There are people I once knew, people I probably cared deeply for. I don't know who they all are, but I loved them all the same. Something makes me think it was on a sudden whim that my life was flipped upside down. I still remember that day as I walked down the halls of our school, feeling completely empty inside. As though I were nothing but a hollow shell. Half the things people said to me, I didn't understand. I vaguely remember several, _unfamiliar_ faces passing by me, looking away from me as if in shame while they walked by. I didn't understand it then, and I don't now.

But I don't think I care anymore. Sitting in class, I watched as memories filled with nothing passed through my vision. I felt like I didn't know who I was anymore, and I think I was right. I don't know who I am. I'm turning into what my mom didn't want me to be, but I didn't care. No one else did so why should I?

No one would tell why I had memories with nothing but emptiness filling them. They didn't understand, I think. It was right after the graduation ceremony when I left. I'd already packed up all my shit, air mailed all the stuff packed in boxes to a friend living in the U.S. I'd met the previous year. She said it would be cool if I came to stay with her, so that's what I did.

Now, you might think I'm a heavy druggie, but I'm not. Alex's parents know what we do, and they know we know our limitations. I think I've only overdosed once, and that was an accident. We know when to stop, and it's not like we do it on a daily basis.

We both have jobs, and we both go to school. And of course we go to all kinds of parties. I met my boyfriend at the second frat party I went to. He's not a jock, he's not a complete ass, and he knows when to back off. I like him. The sex is good too, but that's not something we need to really talk about. Besides, that's personal.

Now, coming back to the source of my problems, probably not such a good idea. I left to get away. I never expected to be dragged back here by my best friend. She already knows her head will be mine of these days. She'll pay. Oh yes. She. Will. Pay.

Now, I have a little less than three weeks left before I have to go back home and back to work. I love my boss. For all our hard work she gave us three weeks vacation. Sometimes I don't know what I'd do without her.

Let me explain last night. Not only were we completely wasted, but we were completely hammered as well. Let me tell you, drinking and drugs? Not a good combination. Separately, very good. Together? Bad idea. Very bad idea. I have the worst fucking migraine I ever thought possible. It hurts to even blink. I don't want to get up today, but I have to because we're going shopping around noon. Right now, it's about ten in the morning. I wager I have about thirty minutes before Alex bursts through that door and yells at me to get my lazy ass up. She'll complain about how I'm not moving fast enough, and that if I'd like, she'd help me along.

This 'help', as we'll put it, would be her pouring ice water on my body several times before I start moving fast enough for her. Yeah. She likes doing things that way. She has other ways, but that one's just fun. Only for her though. Last time she did it I could of sworn I was gonna fucking freeze to death. Eighteen buckets of ice water poured over my head and body.

I better get moving before she decides to come in any sooner. I don't think I'm ready to die just yet.

_- - - - -_

"Tohru you ready?"

"Just give me a minute, Alex," Tohru replied, leaning closer to the mirror as she applied her make-up. She was almost done, just adding the final small touches. Setting the mascara down once she was done, she pulled on and adjusted the long fingerless gloves that hid her bandages so well. Said bandages were wrapped tightly around her forearms in a way that with the gloves on one could not tell there were any bandages at all unless they were looking for them specifically. The only one who knew about them was Alex. And she wanted to keep it that way.

"Ok," Tohru said, brushing dark locks out of her face as she left the bathroom. "Let's go, shall we? Much to do, so little time."

"Indeed," Alex said, pulling on a lock of her own golden hair as she looked Tohru up and down. "I approve," she said, giving the thumbs up.

Tohru just laughed as she went to pull on the black leather lace up platform form boots. She glanced at Alex as she finished lacing them up, rising to her feet and shifting part of her black and red chiffon layered skirt. She smoothed a small part of one of her black satin gloves, not liking the way it had started sliding down. Alex lifted her arm and slipped a very thin very black elastic band up her arm, stopping where the sating stopped and the small lace frill began. She did the same to the other arm. It always seemed to happen with this pair of gloves.

"Ready?"

"Yeah," Tohru replied, fingering the strings of the red black corset she wore. "You know, I really do hate being back here."

"I know you do," Alex said as she reached up and adjusted Tohru's hair a bit. "But you love me enough to be here."

Tohru laughed and shook her head. "Yeah I suppose."

Alex laughed with her before she lowered her hands and pushed Tohru out the door, closing it behind them. She grinned and watched Tohru head for the elevator, black leather purse with the design of a rose etched into it hanging from her shoulder. She laughed softly before running to catch up with her as the elevator dinged open and Tohru stepped inside, pushing the button for the lobby.

"So what's first?" Alex asked.

"You decide," Tohru said. "I might have had to come back here, but that doesn't mean I'm going to make it a pleasant trip by playing hostess for you."

Alex laughed. "Any good clubs we can go to tonight?"

Tohru shrugged. "We'll have to ask around. As far as I can remember I never went to any clubs while I was still living here. Besides, even if there aren't we can find some other town that might have a decent club."

"Ah. Ever the pleasant one," Alex said, smiling as she twirled around in the elevator, her burgundy taffeta skirt twisting with her. "What color are your stockings?"

"Black," came the instant reply. "You should know that."

Alex grinned. "I suppose I should," she said, bright blue eyes looking at Tohru from under long golden bangs as she stopped twirling. She reached out and tugged on a hank of Tohru's black hair streaked with red. "When are you gonna dye my hair?"

"When we go home."

Alex sighed and dropped her head, golden hair covering her face. "Meany," she muttered, the word causing Tohru to laugh at her.

"Come on Alex. You know I'm going to dye your hair. You've been wanting to do it for ages. _You_ just never went and _bought_ the dye."

"Oh yeah," she replied thoughtfully, scratching her chin with one of her hands, both the action and the words causing Tohru to burst out laughing at her friend's obvious forgetfulness. "Hey don't laugh at me," she grumbled. "I've been busy with school and work and well... you know."

"Yeah yeah. I get it," Tohru laughed, lifting her head as the elevator dinged, indicating it had reached the desired floor. "Come on," she said, practically dragging Alex from the elevator.

Alex laughed and yanked her hand out pf Tohru's grasp, moving to walk next to her.

"Shopping?" Alex suddenly said as the two walked through lobby to the double doors leading outside.

"Hmm. Sure why not," Tohru said with a light laugh. "We haven't been shopping in months."

Tohru pulled a cigarette from a pack in her purse, placing it between her parted lips. She grabbed her lighter and lifted her hand, flicking it with her thumb, smiling inwardly at the flame as she brought it up to the cigarette, lighting it and dropping the lighter back into her purse. Alex smiled and flagged down a passing taxi. Opening the door she slipped inside, Tohru following behind her. Alex glanced at Tohru who in turn just shrugged at her and leaned forward, telling the driver where they wanted to go in Japanese. The driver only nodded and started off.

Neither girl noticed the little group watching them as they departed. Heads turning to look at one another. They nodded and began planning.

_- - - - -_

"No," Tohru growled, glaring at the article of clothing Alex was holding up. "No fucking way in hell am I wearing pink."

Alex's lower lip stuck out in a pout. "But pink is so you."

"I said no damn it! I hate pink."

"Eh. Fine,"Alex said, dropping the top onto a nearby shelf.

"Ooh! What about this?" she suddenly exclaimed moments later, holding up a long layer dress in a wrinkly light weight mesh fabric, a babydoll bodice with a crimson lace layer and a light gray crochet asymmetrical bottom.

"I like it. Is it my size?"

"Yeah."

"Gimme!"

Alex laughed as she tossed the dress to Tohru. "Oh! Did you talk to Jay before we left?"

Tohru looked over her shoulder as she head for the dressing rooms. "Yeah. He said he understood, but you know how he gets."

"Who do you think he went to this time?"

"Steve."

Alex laughed. "You think so?"

"I know so. He won't admit it, but Jay is bi and he likes Steve as more than a friend. He's just in denial and refuses to come forward. Hell, Steve is gay and it's so damned obvious he's in love with Jay."

"Shit seriously?"

"Don't tell me you never saw the signs! Jesus Alex!" Tohru laughed. "Practically everyone but Jay knows Steve loves him."

"I feel so stupid,"Alex whined as Tohru disappeared into one of the changing rooms.

"Don't," she said with a laugh. "Don't worry about it. It's not that big a deal anyways. But I bet by the time we get back, they'll be together."

"You think?"

"Hell yeah. If Jay went to Steve then it's a sure thing."

Alex laughed. "Yeah," she said. A few silent moments passed between them before Alex spoke again. She'd moved to stand close to the dressing room Tohru was in so no one would hear them.

"Hey Tohru?" she said softly.

"What is it?" she replied.

"We're being watched."

TBC...


End file.
